Song: Akine - Devil Like Me
Hi Moms,
I won’t send this… maybe I will, but probably not. If you ever find this know I wrote this… a while ago? I might burn this once I’m done, I might just leave it here in Roselle, maybe I’ll send it via druid to somewhere uncharted who knows.
That’s not the point
Hi, so… it’s been a lot. I know I’ve only been away for two months, but I never knew how much could…
Right introductions are in order. Hiya Moms, I’m Ash? Everytime I say that I question who I’m more like, the scared girl you met hiding away in the corner of the orphanage or the…
Whatever this face I’ve put on. A face now with a reminder of what happens when I break it, and show that scared girl who you first met… but at the same time, the face of that girl bears the same mark…
Am I really the same person, or do I change when I act like Ash? I try to act confident, as those who came before us wrote if you fake something enough you eventually belive it yourself, but when does that actually happen? Days, weeks, months…
I bet they never thought a person could live as someone entirely… well in the skin? The body? The image of another person, putting an emphasis on the faking it part.
Or am I faking it, maybe I’m just this chaotic rambunctious girl after all? Is the confidence real, or have I already tricked myself to believing it maybe is.
That’s still not the point of this letter, but at this rate I don’t know what the point of this letter even is.
I miss you.
I’ve thought of just running home, acting like that scared girl you first met… acting like your girl you took in, when she had nothing else going for her in life.
But, this idea… this inkling of something more still keeps me away. Maybe I have become a new person to a degree, someone who hasn’t set foot in that house.
I saw this group of strangers when I got here to Roselle
They look… out of place, like they don’t fit into the crowd by any standards… like me.
But, they’re… respected? Hated? It’s hard to tell from a distance, I’ve been keeping notes on them… drawings of each strange creature, the most normal is a…. Guy with a large chicken? I know, I said MOST normal it’s insane.
Are they faking it like I am?
Have they lied to themselves that they might belong, or that they can do good… like I have said to myself over and over?
People don’t seem to look at them strangely, but… I bet you they do… I know how people whisper and talk behind the backs of others when they believe they don’t hear.
Do they care if they belong?
I know I do…
Just know no matter, how much I fake everything else, one thing will never change… a constant to keep me grounded to me?
Just know, I will always be your daughter… I will always love you…
I hope that can be enough
I hope I can be enough
Love, The girl behind the pen? Aah, Koieta, Someone else…